What's the least you can do to feel sane?

Last spring, my friend's daughter got head lice.  Naturally, my friend called me for reassurance. Though my friend and I have had many discussions about head lice, her perspective on head lice changed when it actually made an appearance in her own house.

She said, "I know that the research says that doing cleaning won't help. But I want to clean.  I want to vacuum everything, including the children. I want to do laundry.  It would make me feel better."

I like a clean home as much as the next person, but I know the cleaning marathons that are triggered by the discovery of head lice.  All other activity (including sleep) is discontinued in and out of the home.  What's worse is that people actually cut back on the time they spend in lice combing because they are too exhausted from their newly adopted morning-to-night rituals (get kids up, strip beds, throw bedding in wash, vacuum mattresses, vacuum room, throw pajamas in wash, throw pillows in the dryer...all before the morning coffee.) Though NONE of this helps, I understand that it is our natural survival instincts that get us moving in a crisis.  Being busy makes us feel better.  Knowing the panic that ensues in a home that just discovers these uninvited guests, I asked my friend a question:

"What is the LEAST you can do to still feel sane?"

My friend already knew that she needed to put the time and effort into a thorough wet combing of her daughter's head every couple of days over the next 2 weeks and that this would already give her plenty of work to do.  But in her mind, she wanted to do more.  In answer to my question, she said, "The pillows.  I think my rational mind would let me give up most of the cleaning, but I know I couldn't rest if I didn't change my daughter's pillow case every day." 

"Ok, as long as you know that this activity will have no effect on your daughter's head lice, right?"

"I know."

So my friend resisted the demon of excessive cleaning and even stopped changing the pillowcase after a couple of days.  She used no chemical treatments and simply used a proper metal lice comb on her daughter's wet, conditioned hair.  Though she combed over a 2 week period, no lice or eggs were seen after the 3rd combing. When I congratulated her on the success of her efforts, she admitted that she had doubted that the solution could be so simple.  (Simple but not easy; even though things get easier and faster as you go, keeping up with the combing is still a pain in the arse.) I asked her why she stopped washing her pillowcases every day.  She said that as she did more combings, her confidence in her own abilities to detect and remove the bugs and eggs grew every day.  She was pleased that I had steered her away from doing more and being less effective.

If you have just discovered head lice in your home, get informed before you do or spend anything. If you are reading this blog for the first time, check out the other posts.  Learn about wet combing. Read the research links.  Think with your head based on the most current knowledge and try not to give into cleaning urges.  But if you just can't resist, then choose your battles wisely.  Ask yourself the question, "What is the least I can do to feel sane?" Not the least you can do in the combing/picking department - nothing will relieve you of this necessary task - but what is the least you can do in the home. Less time cleaning means more time combing. Get a good comb, do the combing, and trust the process.

Hire a professional or don't. Either way, you still gotta put in some time.

Here's a question I just received:

"My friend said she had lice but she got treated two weeks ago. She said that the first time you get treated at places like (insert lice removal salon here), you cannot give lice to someone else. You can't spread. Is this true?"

Here's my answer:

The answer to this is not so cut and dry. If someone is known to have had head lice, I generally assume that they still have it until there have been no sightings of new lice or nits for two weeks. However, just because a person may still have head lice, it doesn't mean that they are necessarily able to spread it. A lice professional will usually be able to remove all adult bugs in the first sitting. It is the adult bug that can leave the head - newly hatched nymphs will not venture off the head for at least a week. So, a person with head lice may be of no immediate threat to others (which is one reason I'm against no-nit policies in schools and day care centres). But let's say that a tiny nymph was missed by the lice professional.  In 7-10 days, if no further combing had been done, there would be a new adult louse on the head that would be able to transfer to someone else through head-to-head contact.

While I generally trust experienced lice professionals (as long as they focus on lice removal over pushing lice "shampoos"), I never underestimate head lice.  I challenge lice professionals who claim to deal completely with your head lice problem in one visit. If they get the bugs out, the chances that they've missed an egg or even a tiny louse,  are still high. When I do home visits, I always offer a free follow up. This is because I believe that everyone should have a second visit with the professional - all of this and I still instruct families to still keep up with their own lice combing. I respect head lice and their resiliency. No matter what "treatment", no matter which professional is utilized, the affected head should still be thoroughly wet combed every couple of days with a good metal lice comb until at least 2 weeks have passed with no new sightings of lice or nits.

Now remember, you don't NEED a lice professional and I really have a problem with professionals that tell people that you must use an expensive product or service in order to deal with lice effectively. I've seen too many hard-working, low-income families who put themselves at risk by throwing away hundreds of dollars and buckets of sanity over their lice problem because of some "expert advice". I've seen people who give up because they feel they will never be able to afford the cost of "treatments" or services.  You know, head lice was dealt with effectively before the invention of salons and chemicals and paid services and fancy tools.  Back in the day, if someone had head lice, you just got in some good light, buckled down, and nitpicked for hours, everyday, until the lice were gone.  Yes, that actually works.

Lice removal professionals are more like housekeepers than health care workers. Everyone can vacuum, but some people don't want to so they hire a cleaner.  Everyone can deal with their own head lice problem, but some people don't want to and that's OK as long as they can truly afford it.  There are times you might want to use the services of a lice professional. (Read my post about this here.) but it isn't a necessity AND using their services won't let you off the hook - you will still have to do lice checking and combing at home.

The lice are on your scalp. Don't let them mess with your mind.

My mother used to have this picture on a sweatshirt.  She was a woman known for her humour, but she was also known for how stressed out she could get. Normally, with life's stressors, we can cope.  Work can stress me out, but I can go home at the end of the day.  If the kids are stressing me out, I can usually find a sitter for a little while.  However, if you have head lice, you don't feel like you can get away from the stress - it's with you day and night, wherever you go,  and since lice problems aren't fixed in a day, you get to feel this stress over time. It can wear you down.

We have to be intentional about how we deal with this stress.  I covered this in the post below , but it so important to remember.  We work hard to get rid of head lice, but we also have to work hard to push past our own panic and fear.  I once met a woman who chose to sleep in her car in the winter thinking that the cold would kill the bugs.  You know, sleeping in freezing temperatures could also kill her!  Step out of your emotions and let your intellect help you assess the real risk of head lice over the perceived risk.

If you don't deal effectively with the head lice, what's the worst that could happen?

• Your head could get really, really itchy.
• You're hair wouldn't look pretty.
• You could pass it to someone else.
• In very rare cases, you can have a greater allergic reaction to head lice. (In the bazillion people I've met with head lice, I've only met one person to have a worse reaction - she had swollen glands and flu-like symptoms. Her doctor told her to take an over-the-counter antihistamine.)

If you go crazy dealing with head lice (spending tons of money, losing sleep, missing school/work, stressing out), what's the worst that could happen?

• You could get very sick - physically and psychologically.
• You could put your financial stability at risk. 
• You could put a strain on your relationships.
• You could lose your job or fall behind in school.

These problems are greater than the problem of having head lice. Head lice cause the first group of calamities.  We cause the rest.   Try to keep head lice in perspective.  Give head lice the attention they deserve, but don't give them one second more.

Pediculosis Biebitis or Please Stop Wasting Your Time!

Last month, Justin Bieber came to my city.  I didn't go to see him because he's a bit young for me and my daughters are more into those fabricated bands from the Disney Channel. All of this, of course, made me think of head lice...

What's worse than the itch? Burnout.

Recently, I spoke with two mothers who were dealing with head lice in their families (and dealing with it very well, I might add.)  In our conversations, it became very clear to me that these women were now experts on head lice.  They knew what they were looking for and were willing to put in the time and the right kind of effort to deal with this problem. I truly appreciate this kind of vigilance when it comes to head lice.  As I have said before, we must not underestimate these little guys - even with all of our modern weapons, we have more cases of head lice than ever before.  Head lice need to be taken seriously.

However, we must resist hyper-vigilance.Y'know, the kind of vigilance that makes us crazy.  Where we lose sleep over head lice, assume every itch is a new bite, start over combing or over treating our hair, restrict our regular activities,  keep everyone up late and wake them up early to do nit-picking, and clean our homes for hours every day.  I know we seem to feel better when we DO something, but the only thing this hyper-vigilance will do is make us sick. ( I'm speaking mostly to the mothers - sorry Dads, I have yet to find a two-parent home where the father is the main person who takes control over the family head lice.)

As I have said before, when feelings of lice anxiety are leading you down this path, get control of your feelings and look at the facts:

• Extra house cleaning has no proven effectiveness in the fight against head lice. Or, I should say it has evidence-based ineffectiveness.  Studies have shown that extra cleaning does nothing in this fight.
• Keeping children out of school, daycare, or other activities is not necessarily helpful; no-nit policies have been proven to be ineffective in keeping head lice out of these places.
• Head lice in most industrialized nations have developed a resistance to pesticidal treatments.
• Most alternative treatments  have little or no proven effectiveness.
• The over-washing, over-combing, and over-treating of hair can often be the cause of scalp irritation - it can be the cause of itching and/or skin reactions.

As I say again and again on this blog, the way you deal with head lice is to manually remove the bugs and eggs on the head.  To do this effectively, try to get the following things:

1. Time - Not the 10-hour marathon horror stories that I hear from some parents.  I mean, you need to know that you will be dealing with this for weeks and there is no getting around it, not even if you hire a lice professional.  We all can miss something, so some time should be put into combing/picking every 2 or 3 days until you have had 2 weeks with no sightings of bugs or eggs. The amount of time you need to spend in this endeavor will decrease as the weeks go on.
2. A good lice comb.  There have been effective nit-pickers throughout the years who never had the benefits of a good metal lice comb, but for the amount of time you save, I always recommend that you try to get one.  Not a necessity, but exceptionally helpful when used in wet combing.
3. Good light. Natural or artificial, light directed on the head really makes it easier to see what's going on.  For me, an inexpensive head lamp is a blessing.  It brings you directed light wherever you go and keeps your hands free for combing and picking.
3. Perspective. This is just head lice.  It is not the plague.  You are not unhygienic or unclean if you have it. Head lice are simply a reality in our world.  They have been around for ages and I expect we will still be dealing with them in the ages to come. They are a pain in the rear, but they don't have to be a tragedy if you don't let them. 

Trust that you have what it takes to deal with this problem.  Don't panic or start putting your family through a frenzy of frantic cleaning and unnecessary restrictions.  Never let head lice keep you from getting sleep, eating well, and engaging in enjoyable activities.  Never let head lice drain you financially or put your employment at risk.  Push through that initial feeling of panic.  Find a good friend to share your experience with.  Take a breath. Be gentle with yourself.  I know you can do this.

Don't underestimate the little guy.

This past weekend, I had the wonderful pleasure of going into a home of a family with 4 wonderful daughters (and a great mom and dad - you all know who you are!) While looking at heads, our discussions enlightened me in the ways of Manga, jokes, pop songs, and tearful movies. The mom and I also had a brief discussion about fruit flies. We have both recently experienced the "joy" of having fruit flies in the home. What a pain. With fruit flies, you don't know where they came from but you soon find that they are difficult to get rid of. They live off of the food (or food residue) in your home, but sometimes, even if you empty your garbage every night, put away or seal up all leftovers and clean all surfaces thoroughly, you can still have a fruit fly problem and they can resurface in full force once you just happen to leave a dirty dish out for a little while.

If you have had fruit flies before, you know how annoying they can be. Just like head lice. (I think everything reminds me of head lice!) You may think that you have dealt with it because you no longer see the eggs or bugs. However, there is a really good chance that you have missed

Take the time needed to finish the job.

How does my dog remind me of the proper way to deal with head lice? Well...

Do not hurry. Do not rest.

Shinichi Suzuki was the creator of Talent Education, the Suzuki method of music education. What could he have to do with the fight against head lice? Well, it seems that the fundamental rules for mastering an instrument, or mastering anything for that matter, are the same for mastering head lice:

"Do not hurry. This is a fundamental rule. If you hurry and collapse or tumble down, nothing is achieved. Do not rest in your efforts; this is another fundamental rule. Without stopping, without haste, carefully taking a step at a time forward will surely get you there."

- Shinichi Suzuki (1898-1998)

You will not beat head lice overnight. Not with a treatment or one use of a fancy comb. You will not beat it by exhausting yourself with a sleepless frenzied cleaning marathon that lasts for three days. You will beat it by slowly and calmly removing the lice and nits that you see. And you will do the same thing tomorrow. And the next day. And then, one day, you will notice that you are not dealing with it anymore. Even then, you will keep checking everyday. Hurrying yourself in a frantic panic will drain you of the energy needed to fight this fight. If you burn yourself out, you will give up. But the lice won't. So follow Suzuki's words of wisdom. Do not hurry. Do not rest. And you will win.

Don't waste your time on the sidelines. Go where the action is.

Head lice are a stupid nuisance. Picking out every egg and bug is time consuming. Checking for lice activity on a daily basis is a chore.

The problem is, with most people I talk to, picking and checking isn't the problem. What most people find absolutely exhausting is all the house cleaning and laundry. Hours and hours of vacuuming, washing bedding, bagging stuffed animals, or whatever.

Here's a tip: DON'T DO IT.

I mean it. There is no evidence that suggests that cleaning your home will reduce your chance of re-infestion on your head. And there IS evidence to suggest that if you have taken the lice off of the head, but don't clean the home, your chances of getting head lice again are no greater than getting it from the general public.

If my children bring home head lice (they have brought it home from school - I don't bring my work home with me), do you know what I clean? I CLEAN THEIR HEADS OF HEAD LICE. That's where ALL the action is. I don't do any excess cleaning. Well, I do pour boiling water over the brushes and combs, though there is even research that shows I don't even need to do that. To be honest, I don't even wash their blankets and sheets (unless they were due for a washing anyway). I don't put away their stuffed animals. I don't even pull out my vacuum with the exception of when I do my regular house cleaning each week because it's nice to see the floor once in a while.

I am unrelenting when it comes to picking and checking their heads and I spend a considerable amount of time doing this. But I don't go crazy cleaning my house over head lice. And this saves me a lot of time. Head lice are only a problem when they are on your head. Make sure that 99.9% of your time is spent working to get them off of the head and then you won't have to worry about having them in the home.

Time is on your side.

Nit-picking is the most effective way to get rid of your head-lice problem. So, why are people so reluctant to do it? You might think that a lot of people are really grossed out by the bugs. But, for most people, that's not the issue. They don't want to get down to the business of nit-picking because they feel "they just don't have the time".

Yes, nitpicking takes time. It can an hour or two, or even longer if you do it all at once. But if you think that there is any treatment that can speed up the process for you, then you are very mistaken. The "shampoos" will not kill all the bugs and will not kill the eggs. You will have to use more time and more money dealing with the problem again in a matter of days. And, as you know if you have ever used the so-called treatments, their instructions state that you still have to pick out all eggs and bugs. So, you see, absolutely no time is saved by using a commercial treatment.

The good news is, you don't have to have a 5 hour marathon nit-picking session that causes your hands to cramp up and your eyes to blur. An adult louse only lays 3-10 eggs in a day - that may seem like a lot, but you can pick faster than that. So, if you can't deal with your family member's head lice problem in one or two longer sittings, here's what I suggest. Pick for as long as you can over a number of days. Even 15 minutes here and 20 minutes there every day will get you ahead of the game. Your priority is to pick out any bugs that you see. Then grab the eggs as you can. A real lice comb will speed things up even more. Be sure to keep things relatively clean , take basic precautions so that other people in the house don't also get head lice, and do regular quick head checks on everybody and you will be fine. If you keep doing this, then there will come a day very soon when you will no longer see any bugs or eggs.

You can call me for more free info. And if you want to have me come over to pick, I will gladly take your money. But it probably isn't necessary. You can always find the time to deal with this. Just do it.

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

It takes a while to get in to the groove of head lice and nit picking. Be patient. Keep going until you find what works for you.

And I'm not talking about which "shampoo" works for you. I mean find the right place to sit. Find the right lighting. Get the right comb. Get the support of a friend. Make the lice check fit easily into your family's schedule.

The fight against head lice is not a sprint, it's a marathon, so don't waste your energy by panicking or taking extreme measures. The bugs can only lay 3-10 eggs per day, and those eggs will take about a week to hatch. Yes, it's a problem but it became a problem over weeks, and it may take you weeks to completely get rid of them. But you can do it, if you deal with it a bit every day. You can always pick and comb faster than they can lay the eggs. Don't panic - you can always outrun them. Just keep going.

Lice Lesson #7: Have patience.

I know you are tired. I know that your kid’s head lice has changed your plans today. But you gotta get those lice and pick those nits. If you just can’t bring yourself to pick, then let me pick. Your panic makes you want to sprint, but if you do that, then you won't be able to complete the marathon. No matter what the makers of pesticides claim, there are no magic elixirs that can take your lice away. Just keep going, one egg at a time. Tomorrow, it won’t take as long. Less time the day after that.

What You Can Do: Don't try to do it all. It will be OK to let some other things go during this time. Take some appointments off your schedule so you can give the lice the "attention" they deserve. Take a break when you need it.