The Zen of Head Lice

When I was doing lice removal in people's homes, I always found that my main job was not actually the lice removal - this was really something the families could do themselves.  Where I was most helpful was in calming panic.  Because parents generally didn't call me until they were at the end of their rope after having tried every so-called treatment paired with marathon sessions of cleaning and laundering and wiping everything else from their schedule.  Their panic was causing them not only to freak out about the lice of today but they imagined many more weeks and many more dollars spent on this lice frenzy. They pictured lice living on everything in their home forever. I loved that I could just come in and say,

"You can stop all this now. Breathe."

Not because I was coming in to save the day but because the things they were doing were not actually helping.  I was able help families step away from their panic and future worries and guide them to focus on the simple steps they could take each day to address the problem. I tried to help them to be mindful about head lice.

Jon Kabat-Zinn says mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.  For me, this means to look at head lice objectively for what they are and what they aren't.  They are a bug - a parasite that lives on the heads of humans (other creatures have their own lice.).  They just cause itching (and not death which is what I assume some people think based on their reaction to lice.) They are not the result of uncleanliness.  They are not a virus that is transmitted through the air or even passed through inanimate objects. They are not living in your furniture or stuffed animals.  If you have them, you will find them on the head.

Being mindful when you have head lice also means that you look at yourself and others objectively too.  Take a moment and check your own body's reactions and emotions to the people around you.  How do you feel about the person that you think you got head lice from?  Are you angry?   How do you feel about the parent of the child who first had head lice in the classroom? Are you resentful?  Think of the people you hang around - your friends, co-workers, or the parents of the friends of your children.  Do you feel judged?  Think of yourself.  Do you feel shame?

Regarding the person that you think gave you head lice, they didn't choose to have head lice and there is no guarantee that you didn't get it from someone else. If fact, you may have actually been the first one to get it and they just noticed it on their head before you did. Before you judge others for not dealing with the problem, think of how many "treatments" you have already tried to combat your head lice?   Don't you think others are doing their best, just as you are?

Head lice are not a result of someone doing something wrong any more than mosquitoes or ants are.  They are just a part of life on earth.  So feel free to release any anger, resentment, judgment, or shame that they stir up in you and continue to release those feelings whenever you feel them surfacing.

Another thing to think on regarding mindfulness and head lice is self care.  When we pay close attention to what we are feeling, we can give ourselves what we really need.  Finding out that you have head lice can be a trauma when you don't know how easily it can be taken care of.  If discovering that you have head lice in the home is a shock to you, then you need to treat the shock.  Not by avoiding the problem and pretending it isn't there but by equipping yourself so that you can stay in control - of the head lice and of yourself.  Don't waste time in cleaning and laundering but spend a little time wet combing the head every couple of days until the head lice are gone.  You can read posts on this blog for more tips on how to do that. And tend to your own care through it all.  For each minute that you spend on head lice removal, plan for a minute of self care at another time.  What restores you? A hot bath? A nap?  A nice walk?  A good meal?  If you are dealing with head lice for the first time, then this is something new and with everything new there is a learning curve; with every change comes stress.  Do not allow this stress to be the kind that overwhelms you. With mindfulness, this stress can be the kind that will motivate you.  To be effective and helpful and patient and gracious. 

Now take your partner's hand and start singing "Kum By Yah".  Just kidding.  Mindfulness is not just for the meditators and the yoga instructors. It's for all of us as we muddle through this life and it helps us focus on what we actually have to work with. And I'm positive that you have all you need to deal with the inconvenience of head lice.   Namaste.

Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in!

Your child comes home with head lice.  Instead of freaking out, you did the right thing.  You got informed. You got a good lice comb and started the wet combing. You didn't waste time doing unnecessary and ineffective things like extra cleaning, extra laundry and bagging up items. And within a few combings of no longer seeing any eggs or bugs, you thought, "I got this!  I've beaten head lice."

 

And then, the next day during what you think will be a super-quick combing, you find a nit. It must be old, right?  And then you comb a couple of more times and low and behold, you find a tiny louse.

 

You sigh, smile,  and say the serenity prayer.  Or, more realistically, you say, "What the !$#*&!!! Are you freakin' kidding me!?!?!" 

 

Snap.  You lose it.

 

I just want you to know that you don't have to.  If you reading this blog, then I'm certain you are dealing with head lice.  Let me assure you that with each combing it will get better and better.  But let me also assure you that finding a nit or a louse days after you thought you were rid of the problem is very common and is, in my mind, to be expected.  Because even a good lice comb can miss something the first time around. Or the second.  New eggs and new lice are often too small to be picked up by the lice comb. 

 

If you are going through the very unpleasant experience of finding a sign of head lice after you thought you had beaten it, please remember the following:

1. It took you months to get head lice.  Beating it will require an intentional but manageable effort over the next few weeks.  Don't burn yourself out, but don't give up.  Just remember you are in a marathon, not a sprint.  Pace yourself.
2. If you found something, it doesn't mean that you have failed.  In fact, it means the opposite; it proves the combing is working. 
3. It also means you are outrunning the lice cycle.  Lice hatch and as they grow, you can get them out with your lice comb. With the combing that you are doing every few days, you will still get them out before they can lay their own eggs.
4. Just because you found something, it doesn't mean that you are in any way back at square one. A few head lice does not an infestation make.  You are still ahead of the game and all of the hard work you have put into this is paying off. 

One other thing I should let you know is that even if you have beaten this round of head lice, you can always get a brand new case of head lice.  So, if you find head lice again, it may not be because you didn't deal with it properly the first time. It could just be that you got it again.  Lucky you. (At this point, my children would say that I'm being a 'Mommer Bummer' - it's like a 'Debbie Downer' but more maternal).  That's why it is important that even when you do beat your current case of head lice, you do regular lice checks via wet combing.

You do have this.  Really.  If you found another bug, don't think of this as a setback.  Think of this as progress. Because you can always manage the head lice as long as you can manage your own emotions and expectations.

Head Lice 2016: Can't we all just get along?

 In the days after the polarizing American election, we are being reminded by politicians, activists, celebrities, and late-night hosts to hold on to hope.  We must continue to speak up for those who do not have a voice but we cannot stoop to the level of the haters.  We must sort through the madness and appeal to the good in each person.  It is so easy live in fear and point fingers but we must stop and let sanity prevail. This is good advice to remember for pretty much everything in life. 

Even head lice.

A lot of commenters who weigh in on this blog spend a considerable amount of energy on being upset with the people that they feel gave them the head lice.  They are either mad at their child's school for not adopting a no-nit policy, or they are mad at the parents of their child's friend who they don't feel is dealing with their child's head lice effectively, or they are mad at the roommate/family member who will not allow them to check their head for lice. They get furious because now they feel they have to ban their child from going to their friend's house, or they feel they now have to put their child's hair up whenever they go to school, or they have to avoid sitting on THAT couch.  It's bad enough that their own head lice is taking up their time and energy - now they feel they have to change their life because someone else isn't changing theirs in dealing with their head lice.


I get it.  Head lice sucks.  And resentment can easily build when you think that you are the only one taking the problem seriously.


But before you go and have a stern talk with that person that you think is not being responsible about their head lice problem, please consider a few things.

Regarding schools, no-nit policies do not reduce the number of cases of head lice. They just don't.  Because nobody goes looking for lice and nits until the itch starts.  And if a child has not had head lice before, they might not even see or feel anything until they've had lice for 3 months or so.  So, even when no one thinks head lice is in the class, it may already be there. I know that some of you wish that we had school nurses who checked everyone for head lice every week, but seriously, that would just be a huge waste of resources. Parents can check their own kids. We need schools to be spending money on education and health authorities to be spending more money on things that actually address real health problems (By the way, I'm all for vaccinations!)

And what about that friend/cousin/study buddy/soccer coach that you are certain gave your child head lice.  You may be enraged at them but unless you saw that person pull a live louse off of their head and drop it on your child's scalp saying "Mwahahaha!" with an evil grin, you cannot be sure that they gave your child head lice, or that they even have it (unless they tell you).   And if you know they have lice, do you think they wanted it?  They are not spreading it on purpose and they want to be rid of it as much as you do and just because you can't see them dealing with it, that doesn't mean that they aren't.  And if they swear that they don't have it, what are you gonna do?  Tackle them and give them a combing?  Will that make your own lice go away any faster?

When I was a child, I never got head lice.  But now almost everyone I know has their own head lice story.  People don't get head lice because they are dirty or spread it because they are neglectful.  Head lice happens where humans connect and regardless of who gave it to you, the only thing you can control is your own actions.

And I hope your actions are kind.  Let your child go to his friend's house.  Don't freak out if your roommate sits in your chair.  Don't cancel those soccer practices.  Head lice are a bother, for sure, but not a health issue and the melt down doesn't come from the bug - it comes from the energy we spend on frenzied cleaning and angry paranoia.  If you've changed your whole routine because of head lice, that's on you, not on the bug or your neighbour.  You don't have to comb for 6 hours straight because you are not going to get it out in one sitting anyway.  You don't have to clean from morning to night because that doesn't affect your head lice problem at all.  When faced with the challenge of head lice, practice mindfulness - control your emotions and give grace to yourself and others.  If you think your problem may have come from someone you know, gather up all the love, patience, and humour you have and start a accepting conversation.  If they aren't ready for it, don't be defensive - wish them well and let them know you're their for them should they change their minds.

Let love trump hate in every area, even when dealing with these bugs. Together, can we beat head lice?  Yes, we can! 

Head Lice: Do You Ask? Do You Tell?

So you have head lice?  Who have you told?  (Besides me.)  In so many of the emails I receive, people say, “I don’t know what I will do if my (insert close relative or regular acquaintance) found out!!”  In my own home, there is no stigma around having head lice.  My children have never been grossed out about it, even in those times where they have had it.  We respect the bug but we know that it is no match for us. So, talking about head lice with the people we know – friends, family, co-workers, teachers – is a non issue. I would love a world where everyone can be so comfortable with this issue; most of the time and energy wasted on the problem of head lice is due to misinformation and paranoia. Because I am familiar with what head lice are (and are not) I think everyone should just talk about it freely.  

But it isn’t that easy.  I get messages from teenagers who say that their parents would ruin their lives if they found out.  I hear from parents of children who will be cut off from seeing people they love if their head lice is discovered. This issue can bring blaming and fighting and stress.  People’s lives are often restricted or tormented because of the head louse. The tiny louse can bring a huge tension into the home that can have very real consequences. 

So, who have you told?  Who will you tell?  I usually encourage people to tell everyone about their head lice because we will not end the stigma of head lice unless people get comfortable talking about it. And of course, this is still what I think is best.  Ramit Sethi said, “Success in life is directly proportional to the number of awkward conversations you are willing to have.”  I know it can be difficult and embarrassing to start the awkward conversation about head lice.  But once it is started, I believe you will find people are more understanding and helpful than we often expect they will be.

Unless they aren’t. There are things in life that are so much worse than head lice.  Panic. Isolation. Fighting.  Abuse.  If the people in your circle are going to be hurtful to you because of head lice, then I understand why you might want to keep your head lice a secret. It is such a polarizing issue. I have met some people – mostly people who have never had head lice before – who feel that there is some moral obligation for people to disclose if they have head lice.  As if going to work when you have head lice or sending a child to school who has head lice is seen as the most irresponsible act imaginable - the equivalent of going into public with the plague. It is so sad to me that with all the horrible things in this world, people still get ostracized or bullied because of lice.

Because of this, though I would prefer that everyone talk openly about their head lice, I don’t think they should absolutely have to or should be forced to.  Who you talk to about your head lice is your personal choice.  If you discover that your child has head lice, do you have to tell the teacher or the parents of the other children?  Do you have to tell your roommates or your family members?  That is a question you must answer for yourself.    Whatever you do, I hope you can find at least one person who you can confide in about your head lice. I’d say email me, but the reality is, by the time I respond to your email, your louse problem might have already come and gone.  If you can think of one person in your life who is open, caring, non-judgmental, and isn’t grossed out by bugs, maybe that’s the person you should reach out to. Test the waters by asking, “Have you ever had head lice?” Their response, and the panic or lack of panic that goes with it, might inform you about how they might take your news.  And everyone will take the news better if you can demonstrate that you actually know something about this problem and are taking steps to beat it – get informed by reading the posts on this blog and check out the research links.

And if someone discloses to you that they have head lice, follow the golden rule.  Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Kindness is the best lice treatment that there is.

Great Expectations.

Got head lice? This blog can give you tips and techniques on how to beat it.  But before you even worry about the bugs on the head, you need to deal with the thoughts inside it - what are you feeling?  Are you freaking out or staying calm? Dreading the worst or expecting the best? If you want to beat this problem, you need to make a decision now about the attitude you will have going into it.  Your attitude can make or break how successful you are in managing your head lice.  If you start this battle by being panicked, paranoid, or petrified,  you are going to make it a bigger problem than it really is.  These extreme feelings and attitudes toward head lice can cause you to deal with it in a couple of different ways.  When you allow yourself  to have extreme feelings about head lice, you usually take extreme actions, such as:

• Becoming hyper-vigilant and managing the problem by staying busy all the time doing tasks that are not necessary, not effective, and possibly harmful because you are feeling overwhelmed.
• Avoiding the problem entirely and doing nothing because you are feeling overwhelmed.

Neither of these responses will be helpful to you and will probably cause a strain on your time, resources, relationships and personal wellbeing.  However, if you can put aside the panic, get the actual facts about head lice,  and stick to the simple tasks that need to be done, such as regular wet combing, you will be more than able to get through it. 

I recently heard from a family that got themselves informed about head lice and became their own lice experts.  It became evident to me that they approached their head lice issue with the right attitude when the father of the family told me that his 8 year old daughter had been going around the house singing this catchy little ditty:

"Bed bugs are mean but lice are nice!"  (T., I think you are AWESOME!!!)

This family did not see head lice as a sickness, punishment, or failure.  They treated it like one of life's inconveniences and obviously addressed it with patience, perseverance and humour.  And they beat it! 

You can too.  Give your lice a bit of attitude (positive, that is!).  Expect the best outcome here. If you don't want to sing about lice being nice, then come up with your own mantra to keep your spirits up through this process. Quote Rosie the Riveter, the Little Engine That Could, Barack Obama, or even Yoda if it helps you to stay positive. With a good attitude (your thoughts) and some helpful information (this blog) I know you can deal with head lice effectively.

What if you can't pick or comb...an oldie but a goodie.

I once wrote a blog post entitiled "What if you can't pick or comb". I think it has some good information. Check it out here.

The Buddy System

So you can't afford to have me over. Still, give me a call. Maybe I can give you a better idea of what to look for. One of the first things you need to look for is a buddy.

I have a buddy. You see, just as I check my kids' heads every time they scratch, I get my buddy to check my head when I scratch. My buddy is my husband. Now I haven't had head lice since before I got into this business, but because of this business, I ask my husband to check my head every day. Nothing says, "I love you" like a willingness to check for bugs and eggs. Seriously, men, if your lady has head lice and you are understanding and offer to do the picking, you will be in for some lovin'! Ok, maybe at a later time when you all feel less buggy.

If no one at home can pick your head, maybe you know someone who has also been through the frustrating ordeal of head lice. Another parent at your child's school, perhaps? Be bold - ask for help. Invite the friend for dinner or munchies, put on a good movie and make a night of it.

Sometimes the best time to find a nit-picking buddy is when you don't have head lice. If you hear of someone you know having it, offer to pick first. Then, you can ask them to return the favour at a later date if lice ever happens to you.

What if you can't pick/comb?

Because there is no 100% effective way to kill every nit and louse, the best way to deal with your head lice is to pick and comb out every nit and louse.

But what if you cannot? What if your vision/dexterity is poor and you are not physically able to do this? What if you are all alone with your head lice and have no one to remove the nits? Call me! OK, what if you can't?

First, let me say, you can still comb. If you are able to comb your hair every day, you are able to comb out some head lice. You can get an effective lice come, or you can just simply wet comb with a very fine toothcomb. Comb your wet hair from root to tip in one continuous motion and clean out your comb between strokes. Put some conditioner in your hair to keep it wet during the process. If you keep doing this everyday, a couple of times a day, you will have dealt with most of the problem

When adults get head lice, most people resort to the pesticidal shampoos. You know that I am against this, especially since lice are resistant. So, you may wish to revert to some home remedies. I am not officially endorsing these "treatments", as they have not been proven to be the most effective. However, there is some evidence that suggests that they will kill some of the lice/nits, and it is highly unlikely that they hurt you.

1. Apply a suffocating agent such as olive oil and/or mayonnaise.
Good News: Some people at Harvard threw lice into olive oil. After one hour, the lice were still alive. After two hours, the lice were dead. (They also threw the lice in water - and the lice survived for 24 hours.) You can read claim after claim on the Internet where people swear by the use of olive oil or mayo to kill head lice. I've done it myself with my own family; I once coated my son's head with olive oil AND mayo for about 4 hours and all the lice I combed out afterwards were dead.
Bad News: No formal studies have been done to show the true effectiveness of this treatment. Even those people at Harvard say that throwing lice in oil is not real research. So, all the evidence is anecdotal. It is an extremely messy process (my son's head was wrapped in plastic wrap and towels - it was during daytime hours. Don't do this and put your child to bed!) It is difficult to wash out these oils and my son's scalp was quite dry afterwards (probably from the mayo and the extra washing after). Mayo and oil may irritate the lice bites on your head and, as with every food product, there is the chance of an allergic reaction. Also, I have no idea of the effectiveness on these suffocating agents on the eggs. I still picked every egg out of my son's head.

2. Use a hair dryer.
Good News: Researchers from The University of Utah did a great deal of research and discovered that nits can be dried out with the proper use of a hair dryer. The following is taken from the results of their study that was published in the November 2006 issue of the publication Pediatrics:
"A handheld blow dryer was used to apply directed heating. Hair clips were used to divide each child’s hair into 20 sections. The dryer was held still for 30 seconds to heat one side of each section, then held still another 30 seconds to heat the other side. This method killed 55 percent of lice and 98 percent of eggs."
They say the drying effect is more from the blowing than the heat so use a "cool" setting if your blow dryer has one.(And don't try to kill lice with a curling iron!)
Bad News: The nits won't dry up if the hair dryer is not used properly. With live lice, only approximately half of the bugs are killed with this method - that means 45% are still crawling around, laying more eggs. Also, hair dryers can burn! You have to have constant movement of the air flow to ensure even drying and no burning. This is why this method is NOT recommended by the researchers at the University of Utah.

You may ask, what about "natural" treatments, like tea-tree oil or salt-based treatments? Even these "natural" treatments can have some harmful side effects if not used properly, and I have seen people use them with disappointing results. Therefore, I would rather you save your money and go for the solutions that are more readily available.

Or, just give me a call.

Lice Lesson #7: Have patience.

I know you are tired. I know that your kid’s head lice has changed your plans today. But you gotta get those lice and pick those nits. If you just can’t bring yourself to pick, then let me pick. Your panic makes you want to sprint, but if you do that, then you won't be able to complete the marathon. No matter what the makers of pesticides claim, there are no magic elixirs that can take your lice away. Just keep going, one egg at a time. Tomorrow, it won’t take as long. Less time the day after that.

What You Can Do: Don't try to do it all. It will be OK to let some other things go during this time. Take some appointments off your schedule so you can give the lice the "attention" they deserve. Take a break when you need it.